It was when I was across the street form the Safeway that I knew it. It was when I was lying in bed with no pants or shirt on that I realized it. It was when I was kissing her on the front porch with bugs buzzin’ in the light that it struck me. It was while I was standing in front of my grandfather’s grave that it filled me completely. It was in that moment when my dad and I finally talked about the things that mattered rather than the things that were happening.
It occurred to me in the night. It occurred to me in a dream.
It was at dawn. It was in the moonlight. It was at dusk.
It was when I was at church but didn’t really want to be there. It was when my brother and I were driving to my dad’s new house in which my mother did not live. It was when my spine was broken that one year. It was in the car when it was raining and I had to pull over. It was when she and I were at dinner and my food was cold and I sent it back. It was when I was drinking that beer at the bar talking to that man. It was at the Grand Canyon when I met the couple from Belgium.
It occurred to me while napping. It occurred to me when I was blinking.
It was at 4:23am. It was when my mom came and picked me up.
It was in the auditorium. It was in the back of a car with four people I didn’t know. It happened that time at the mall. It was when I was tired. It was when I cried because the lyrics of that song were just too good. It was when I fell on my face and could smell the carpet cleaner and the footsteps of everyone around me. It was when…well, it just was. It just is.
Even before these things were in my head they were there. These were things that no one knew about. They were hemmed into the seamless seams of a heart that has been put back together a million times. They were born from my insides. They were born from your insides. They were born from his insides.
It was when he searched me.
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